Uhhhhh!
I can't help my butt-itch I go out of my mind
This TP 'bout to get me cause it wipes my behind
I can't wipe my business if i cant get a trick
Down on Santa Monica where tricks are for kids

Whoa, come on and wipe me
Whoa, come on and wipe me
(Whoa) come on and wipe me
(Whoa) you got your problems
(Whoa) I got my ass wipe
(Whoa) You got your big cheese
I got my ass wipe

Uhhh!
I can't help my hemorrhoids, they get out of control
I know that you don't care but I want you to know
The pretty scented kind is a favorite treat
For men that don't bother with a taste of a teat

Whoa, come on and wipe me
Whoa, come on and wipe me
(Whoa) come on and wipe me
(Whoa) you got your problems
(Whoa) I got my ass wipe
(Whoa) You got your big cheese
I got my ass wipe
(Ooh) I got my ass wipe

Uhhh!
Whoa, come on and wipe me
Whoa, come on and wipe me
(Whoa) come on and wipe me
(Whoa) you got your problems
(Whoa) I got my ass wipe
(Whoa) you got your big cheese
I got my ass wipe
(Ooh) I got my ass wipe
I got my ass wipe
I got my ass wipe